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This solutions-oriented guide offers problem solving and behavior changing strategies for people working on their most intimate relationships. The book provides readers with: enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners' beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner. What distinguishes Intellectual Foreplay from similar titles is that it includes guidelines on what to do with the answers it gives. This makes it useful in both creating and sustaining a relationship.
- Sales Rank: #3720281 in Books
- Published on: 2000-01-20
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .81" w x 5.51" l, 1.13 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 288 pages
Amazon.com Review
"What should you ask someone before you get seriously involved?" Eve Eschner Hogan wondered while she was starting a long-distance relationship with her future husband, Steve Hogan. Intellectual Foreplay is designed to spark stimulation and interest through intimate communication. "Like its physical counterpart, [it] can build excitement and desire--or quickly reveal a lack of compatibility, saving you months, or even years, of developing a relationship that isn't going to work," say the authors.
It's an interesting concept: questions to ask to determine compatibility or just get to know a lover or potential lover better. The book starts with "Who Are You?" questions covering a myriad of topics, such as self-esteem, values, hobbies, trust, romance, spirituality, health, and time management. Other sections include "Where Did You Come From?" (past, family, friends, education, and intelligence), "Where Are You Going?" (money, work, and future), "Can We Live Together?" (home, household responsibilities, food, bathroom, pets, vehicles, garden), and "Where Are We Going?" (vacations, holidays, children, wedding, and sex). Some questions will strike you as significant and others as unsubstantial--choose the ones that intrigue you. Tips for using the questions productively are peppered throughout the book. For example, figure out your top 20 "non-negotiable" questions and answer them yourself before asking them of a partner. It's an interesting spin on relationship deepening, and will certainly spark conversation. --Joan Price
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A Really Good Relationship Book....
By Her Royal Peepness Princess HoneyBunny Blayze
This book is a good relationship book: It strengths would be geared towards more for couples to do before they either choose to move in or get married. As it really explores the more serious sides to relationships finances, work priorities, family obligations and friendship dynamics, both separate and mutual. As well as exploring your relationship goals: marriage minded, children etc....
It really is not for those in the earlier stages of a relationship, it doesn't really apply to long -distance relationships very well at all. As my boyfriend and I soon learned. There are questions that can be answered hypothetically and you can gain some insight to your partner that way. Other questions are just not applicable to long distance relationship.
For those reasons I would highly recommend the book to some couples and not so much for others.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Awesome book for couples!
By Amazon Customer
My husband and I borrowed this book from a friend when we were first starting to date. Instead of watching a movie, we would pull out the book and ask each other questions. I'm convinced that this book helped lay a VERY solid foundation for our relationship. It is not my #1 piece of "advice" I give to newly engaged couples as they prepare for marriage. This was especially helpful in starting discussions on things we often take for granted or are uncomfortable discussing. This book covers just about every area of life, from childhood memories to views about money, household chores, kids, etc. The chapter on sex was VERY enlightening, as it opened discussion about something neither of us had been comfortable talking about.
I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone in a relationship, or wanting to be in a relationship.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Oh, My Gosh!!!
By Thomas P. Bruns
People are freaked when they hear the title. But, the focus is to challenge yourself to establish your values (core and flexible) as well as finding out what your partner (or potential partner) wants in a relationship.
Whether on a first date, rearing children, empty nesters, or helping others (such as your own children) go through the process of communicating and sharing your thoughts and feelings as to what is important to you and your future, this book is a great tool.
I got this for my wife, and my three teenage girls for Christmas. I even brought it out at our family Christmas party and read through some of the questions and EVERYONE was interested(even my parents!)
I was mostly considering this book for the girls as I want them to be thoughtful in the relationships they choose. I don't want them to "fall in love" and then "fall into divorce" like I did because we weren't compatible.
Even if you are already married (as I am again), you can read together and discuss what is important to each other.
A definite must for EVERYONE!
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